Gotta love Mr. Burns

Burns: Look at that pig. Stuffing his face with donuts on my time! That's right, keep eating...Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! [cackles evilly, then stops abruptly] There is a poison one, isn't there Smithers?
Smithers: Err...no, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers and they consider it murder.

Mr.Burns: Quick Smithers. Bring the mind eraser device!
Smithers:You mean the revolver, sir?
Mr.Burns: Precisely.

Mr.Burns: (To Homer)One more thing...You must find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon!
Smithers: Actually sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment.
Mr.Burns: And the road maps, and the driving gloves?!
Smithers: Yes, sir.
Mr.Burns:Then its all falling into place!

Mr. Burns: Woah, slow down there maestro. There's a *New* Mexico?

Mr. Burns: Smithers I'm thinking about donating some money to the orphanage..when pigs fly!(Homer's bbq pig flies past the window)
Smithers: Will you be donating that money now sir?
Mr. Burns: No I still think not

Mr. Burns: I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until ... Oh, what the hell. I'll just crush him like an ant.